Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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