before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
