____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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