thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
