eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He passed out mid-signature
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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