if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
