I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
