I accidentally burped into my bong.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
