I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
