She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
