his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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