Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
