Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
