my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize