im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
