hotel room ftw
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
