I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
