i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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