all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
