so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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