Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
