every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
