i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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