Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
