So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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