just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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