Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize