Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
