Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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