I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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