I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
be right there i have to get my cape
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
