this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
