Christians are straight up FREAKS
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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