just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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