I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
