she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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