i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
