from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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