Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Houston, we have a blender
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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