There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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