She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Couch. On fire.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
