I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
