...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
