His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Im part way to drunk.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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