when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
