I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he was CRYING into my vagina
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
