the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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