I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
