I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
