So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
