I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
