did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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