official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
