Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
