Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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