Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
