my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize