and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
