Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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