She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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